Decentering: How I Stopped Being a Chaser and Became an Attractor

For most of my life, I was a chaser.

I chased romantic love. I chased men’s acknowledgment. I chased money. I chased success.

And I thought that was normal.

Because as women, many of us are conditioned from a young age to be male-centered. We’re taught (directly or indirectly) to dress for the male gaze, to measure our worth by whether or not we’re chosen, to tone down our power in order to be liked, loved, or kept.

On top of that, we’re also pushed into the endless grind of hustle culture: overworking, overachieving, tying our self-worth to productivity.

It’s exhausting. It’s depleting. And it’s not freedom.

Decentering Romantic Love

For me, the turning point was when I decentered romantic love.

When I stopped making men the center of my life, something radical happened:

My desire to be acknowledged by them disappeared.

I stopped dressing, speaking, or behaving in ways that would get me chosen. And for the first time in my life, I felt completely free to express myself authentically.

The way I dressed became bolder. The way I spoke became clearer. The way I lived became truer.

I realized how much of my “lover girl” energy had actually been wrapped up in needing validation.And when I decentered men, I didn’t become cold — I became whole.

Decentering Money

Next, I decentered money.

For years, I was trapped in hustle culture. Overachieving. Pushing myself to exhaustion. Measuring my worth by how productive I was and how much I earned.

But when I decentered money, I realized:

Money had been consuming more energy than it deserved.

By releasing that grip, I opened space to create from a place of alignment instead of fear.

Now, when I write blogs, design workbooks, or lead workshops, it’s not because I’m chasing money. It’s because I want to make impact.

I no longer create to be validated or to prove my worth.I create because it flows naturally from me.

From Chaser → Attractor

Decentering is not about demonizing love or money. It’s not about numbing yourself.It’s not about “not being you anymore.”

It’s about acceptance. Acceptance that some things — when centered too much — cost you more energy than they give back.

And when you accept that, you stop being a chaser. You become an attractor.

Because here’s the truth:When I decentered men, I didn’t stop desiring love. I simply stopped needing it as oxygen. When I decentered money, I didn’t stop wanting stability. I simply stopped sacrificing my peace for it.

Decentering made me magnetic. It gave me emotional freedom, authenticity, and creativity.

It turned me into a woman who moves from alignment, not from desperation.

Why Decentering Feels Radical

Most people think decentering is numbing. It’s not.

It’s actually radical acceptance.

When you stop centering men, you stop betraying yourself to be loved.When you stop centering money, you stop betraying yourself to feel worthy.When you stop centering hustle, you stop betraying your nervous system to feel productive.

Decentering is freedom. Freedom to redirect your energy toward what nourishes you instead of what drains you.

My Message for You

If you’re reading this, and you feel exhausted from chasing — whether it’s love, money, approval, or success — maybe this is your sign.

You don’t have to keep centering what drains you. You don’t have to keep betraying yourself for validation.

Decentering isn’t losing. It’s gaining back all of your energy — and finally using it for yourself.

I stopped being a chaser. And now, I’m an attractor.

Start Your Own Decentering Journey

I healed the wounds underneath my chasing with reflection and shadow work.That’s why I created the Introspectionista Journal — to help you detect the wounds keeping you stuck in cycles of chasing, people-pleasing, and self-abandonment.

It’s completely free, and it’s an automatic download → drop your email, check your downloads folder, and start today.

👉 CLICK HERE

Happy healing.

Liefs,

Eny