I Turned 37 Today Life Lessons On: Losing Everything, Healing Childhood Wounds & Restarting Life

Eny | The Pain Alchemist
Aug 18
3 min read

Today I turned 37.

And if I’m honest? It feels like a miracle that I made it here.

I’ve lived a thousand lives in one.

The bullied girl. The “stupid” child. The fighter. The foreigner. The wild one. The caretaker. The ambitious dreamer. The mother. The broken one. The healer.

This is not a polished birthday post. It’s a letter soaked in all the things I once thought would destroy me. But here I am. Still standing. Restarting life at 37.

Angola: Where I First Learned Shame

I was born in Angola. A girl who couldn’t write properly, couldn’t keep up with school. The one who was called stupid. For ten years, I carried that label like it was stitched into my skin.

Ten years of believing I was less.

Ten years of thinking maybe they were right.

But shame has a strange way of planting seeds.

Germany: Where I Learned I Wasn’t Broken

When we migrated to Germany, I picked up the language in less than a year. Suddenly the “stupid girl” was one of the best in class.

Now? That same girl speaks seven languages.

And that was my first lesson:

People can call you whatever they want — but it doesn’t mean it’s true.

Courage Has Always Been My Quiet Superpower

Even as a child, I had this bold streak.

I signed myself up for dance classes, acting, playing the flute.

One day, I even walked into a church and asked what I had to do to get baptized and receive communion. I took the paperwork home, forged the signatures, and took it back myself. I attended Bible studies for two years just to get it done.

I pierced my ears, my belly button, my tongue — sometimes with my parents’ permission, sometimes with my own forged signature.

Every piercing was a celebration of making it through another year of school. My little way of saying: I survived.

The Caretaker & The Survivor

By my teens, I was a second mom to my siblings. And around that time, I also started losing my eyesight. The hospital visits were endless — every second day, all by myself.

I even left an internship at a prestigious law firm in Düsseldorf to keep up with the hospital runs.

Somehow, I still kept going.

Love, Motherhood & Breaking

In my twenties, I moved to the Netherlands with nothing but courage and a supportive partner. I built a career in sales, thriving in start-ups, speaking on stages, even being invited to events in front of the Angolan ambassador.

Then came motherhood.

Pregnancy cracked me open in ways I wasn’t ready for. I got depressed. I was bullied within my own family for standing up against injustice. I wished, at one point, that me and my baby wouldn’t make it.

But we did.

And one year later, I lost my mother. The person I called for everything. The one I leaned on as a new mom. She was gone.

And there I was — grieving, raising a child, being forced back into full-time work, and trying to build a business on the side.

Betrayal, Collapse & The Wound That Wouldn’t Heal

I built businesses that looked more like charities. I kept giving, pouring, trying to save everyone else — while I bled out silently inside.

I was betrayed by the same people I consoled, prayed for, loved.

Even by the man I thought was my last love.

By 2024, I crashed. Mentally. Spiritually. Physically.

That’s when I saw it clearly:

My abandonment wound was the root.

It bled into everything. People-pleasing. No boundaries. Fear of rejection. Staying too long where love didn’t live.

It was all fruit from the same rotten tree.

Healing & Restarting at 37

Now, I’m here. 37 years old.

Starting a new job as a reading tutor in primary schools. Writing — the thing I realize has always been my medicine. Growing a community on TikTok. Building a blog. Taking care of myself.

I’m enjoying being single for the first time in my life.

I’m working on my next venture.

I’m restarting life, not from scratch — but from wisdom.

Final Thoughts

So here’s what I want you to know if you’re reading this:

You are not too broken to begin again.

You are not too late to restart.

Every wound you carry is just waiting to be alchemized into wisdom.

I turned 37 today, and I’m not done.

Not even close.

Here’s to courage.

Here’s to healing.