Healing Is Not About Becoming Someone New — It’s About Remembering Who You Were Before You Had to Shrink

Let Me Remind You of Something Important

Healing isn’t about creating a new, upgraded version of yourself. It’s not about building an unshakable, perfectly aligned, always-smiling person who never feels pain. That’s a performance, not healing.

Healing is about coming back to the person you would have been if you were allowed to say no.

Read that again.

If you grew up in an environment where saying “no” meant punishment, rejection, or withdrawal of love, you learned to trade your authenticity for safety. You learned to say “yes” when you didn’t mean it. You learned to smile when you wanted to cry. You learned to stay quiet when everything in you wanted to scream.

The Cost of Swallowing Your No

Every swallowed “no” left a mark. It taught you that other people’s comfort mattered more than your truth. That your needs were an inconvenience. That love had conditions attached.

So now, as an adult, you may find yourself people-pleasing, overgiving, and abandoning your own boundaries to keep peace. And when you start setting boundaries? It feels wrong. It feels selfish. It feels like you’re hurting people.

But here’s the truth: You’re not hurting people—you’re healing yourself.

Healing Is Reclamation, Not Reinvention

You don’t need to become someone new. You need to remember who you were before the world taught you to make yourself small. Before you learned that “good” meant agreeable, accommodating, and self-sacrificing.

Healing is:

✔ Saying no without writing an essay to justify it.

✔ Letting go of people who only loved you when you had no boundaries.

✔ Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others so you can stop disappointing yourself.

This isn’t easy work. It will feel lonely sometimes. It will feel like loss. But every time you honor your truth, you’re choosing the version of you that never got to exist because survival came first.

How Do You Start?

1. Notice the Yes That Feels Like a No Pay attention to the tightness in your chest, the knot in your stomach, the exhaustion after agreeing to something you didn’t want. That’s your body screaming the truth.

2. Start Small You don’t have to burn down your life in one day. Start by saying no to little things—extra favors, unnecessary obligations—and notice how it feels.

3. Remind Yourself: Boundaries Are Love Not everyone will understand, and that’s okay. Boundaries are not walls—they’re doors that lead to deeper, healthier relationships.

Final Thought

Healing is not about perfection. It’s not about becoming unbreakable. It’s about coming home to yourself. To the version of you who felt safe saying no. To the version of you who trusted her own voice.

You’re not becoming someone new—you’re becoming free.

Want more on healing and self-reclamation? Check out my latest posts on The Pain Alchemist for soulful insights and practical steps.

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I will see you soon here, right?

Liefs,

Eny (Engracia)