The Good Girl Mask: How People-Pleasing Is Silently Killing Your Spirit.

There’s a version of me that was loved by many…She was kind, always available, helpful, respectful, “so strong.”

But she was also exhausted.Disconnected.And full of silent rage she didn’t dare speak.

That version of me was wearing the Good Girl Mask —a survival identity created not out of love,but out of fear.

✧ Where the Mask Was Born

It started in childhood — as it does for many of us.

I had come from warmth. From a mother who was nurturing, funny, generous.From beach mornings, fish nets, bolacha cookies, and sun-kissed freedom in Angola.

But when I moved to Germany, things changed.

Suddenly, the love wasn’t unconditional.It came with silence, chores, expectations, and cold glances.I wasn’t treated like a child. I became the extra pair of hands. The built-in babysitter. The problem.

And so, without even realizing it, I made a subconscious vow:

“If I can just be good enough, maybe I won’t be rejected.”“If I don’t make noise, I’ll be safe.”“If I meet everyone’s needs, maybe I’ll finally be loved again.”

So I shrank.I adjusted.I performed.

✧ The Cost of Being the Good Girl

The good girl doesn’t say no.She overexplains.She tolerates.She stays too long.She chooses peace over truth — even if it means war inside her soul.

The good girl is praised by society.But inside?She’s grieving.

Because deep down, she knows this performance is not who she really is.

It’s who she became to survive.

✧ What People Don’t Tell You About People-Pleasing

People-pleasing isn’t kindness.It’s fear in disguise.

• Fear of abandonment

• Fear of judgment

• Fear of being seen as “too much” or “not enough”

  
  

And here’s the most painful part:Every time you betray yourself to be liked, your soul loses trust in you.

✧ How I Took Off the Mask

Healing didn’t begin when I read a book or took a course.It began the first time I said NO and didn’t over-explain.

The first time I felt guilt… but still honored my boundaries.The first time I walked away from an unaligned friendship without giving a long apology.The first time I cried in front of someone and didn’t say, “I’m fine.”

Taking off the Good Girl Mask didn’t make me “bad.”It made me real.

And you know what I realized?

The real me is not here to be digestible.She’s here to be free.

✧ Questions to Ask Yourself

• Where in your life are you performing instead of living?

• What would change if you stopped trying to be “good” and started being true?

• What is one thing you’ve been saying yes to that deserves a no?

✧ The Alchemy

You don’t owe anyone a watered-down version of yourself.Your softness, your boundaries, your rage, your tenderness — it’s all sacred.

Being good won't save you. But being authentic will set you free.

Let this be the season where you stop performing and start returning…to the woman underneath the mask.

She’s been waiting for you.

✧ Journal Prompt

“What does my inner truth sound like when no one is watching? And how can I start living from that truth today?”

With love,

Engrácia (Eny)

The Pain Alchemist